Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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