So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
