I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize