U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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