Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Two words: nipple clamps
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