I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
