I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
