I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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