I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
