I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
