His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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