I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
