I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so let's talk penis.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize