Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
