He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
