Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize