Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
