I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
