Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
