you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
