Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
