im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
