I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
