my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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