And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
