yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
