Umm I'm too high to move.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
