Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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