I can text with my tongue
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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