Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
