Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
