I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
