Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
