Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
