im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
