I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
