i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Please don't give away my fajitas
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