I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
