What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
this just has baby written all over it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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