I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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