I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
