"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
