i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize