Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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