I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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