I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry about my life...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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