Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
