He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
