I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
