Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Come share oat with me in your robe
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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