Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
