the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
