Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She bit a glass in half.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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