I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
