I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
