dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize