So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
