his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
