Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
