you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
