He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
