No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
