I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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