guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
