I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
