Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
