he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
