I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
