Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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