Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
