I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
