I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
