I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
